If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
