Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
