I'm really into asian looking animals
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
