RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sorry about my life...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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