Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pants are for mortals
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
