dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I will pee on everything he values.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
