so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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