this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i believe in u and ur pee
He did a backflip because drugs
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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