the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
