Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
