my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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