Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
