If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
