I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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