Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
