Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
