We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
