At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
