I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
