Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
