Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
