Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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