3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
