Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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