There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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