Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
