Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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