Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
