she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
