Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He better not be in your backpack
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
