Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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