no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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