I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
