she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
