smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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