Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This house was built for laser tag.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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