I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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