Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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