did you get engaged???
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
