please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
