we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
