I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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