just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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