I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
