don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
