If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
