Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
