it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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