Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
