How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
